More, less, no success
by Madre de Muerte
Summary: Post Something Borrowed. Ianto realizes he wants more and that Jack can't just can't give it to him. He breaks it off with Jack who is initially cold, when he starts flirting with him again Ianto doesn't know what to do.
1. Chapter 1

Ianto turned over, shifting to accommodate Jack's arm that was half-splayed, half-holding him across his chest. Gwen had gotten married a few hours ago and no doubt was enjoying her newly non-pregnant state with her new husband. Ianto was stuck in Hub sleeping with Jack in his poor excuse for a room with no future in sight except Torchwood. Ianto was not one to lie to himself, he was aware that he'd most likely be dead by the time he was thirty but the more looked at it the more he was bothered by it.

His sister would miss him, so would his niece and nephew but how much of him would they really remember? He'd been lying to them so long that Ianto could only imagine his sister visiting his ''grave" while his body lay frozen in Torchwood's morgue, each trip being longer after the last until eventually she stopped coming altogether. He saw Mica and David asking about where their Uncle Ianto was before utterly disregarding him as they got older.

Ianto didn't sit up nor did his eyes widen and his heart quicken but he did inhale a small amount of air as he realized his life had been consumed by Torchwood. He glanced over at Jack's sleeping face: Jack with his eternally youthful face and longevity. At some point Jack would forget him, he'd be no more than one of his many stories probably involving his ability to make a damn good cup of coffee and his suits to another lover, Torchwood or not. It may happen while he was still alive should by some miracle he make it to seventy.

There was no consolation knowing that he'd made Jack's life slightly more tolerable because Jack was Torchwood. It was just another part of his life that'd been consumed by Torchwood. He loved Jack but he knew absolutely nothing about him and Ianto suddenly felt suffocated.

He shifted, hoping to get out of the bed but Jack's arm tightened, pulling him closer. Ianto froze, Jack was often a light sleeper, and if he moved now there was a guarantee he'd wake up and want to talk about whatever was bothering him. That was one of those other things that bothered Ianto. The man didn't actually need to sleep that often. He'd seen Jack go days without it and show no sign of weariness. It was like some demented luxury that made Jack feel normal.

It was cruel to think that but Ianto hated Jack and all he represented at that moment. If Lisa had died he'd have never joined Torchwood 3, if he had would his life still be consumed by it? Would Jack utterly remove everything about him: life, youth, love? Love, fuck relationships in general were about knowledge. Relationships involved growing old together not alone. Fuck. Ianto breathed in deeply.

Jack practically knew everything about him and he knew nothing. He didn't know if Jack had been previously married, if he had ever had children, HAD children out there with grandchildren.

Staring at Jack's face, a hint of a smile visible on it, Ianto decided he'd end it soon. Soon but not right then because Ianto cared too much about Jack to make it think it was his fault. It'd never been Jack's fault but Ianto couldn't stand the idea of it anymore.

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In the morning, Ianto did his best to avoid Jack's smiles and brief touches. The odd concerned look he sent him made Ianto realize he'd have two ways to approach this: he could either end it right then, talk to Jack and say he wasn't taking it, or he could distance himself, make it seem like a falling out. As he was pushed into the wall and kissed for all he was worth, Ianto thought the second approach was best for now, after all, number when could be implemented at anytime. He still needed Jack, this would make things more tolerable when he found he was alone at night again.

"What's the matter with you?" Jack asked as he pulled back.

Ianto smiled and shook his head. "Nothing, just tired. I couldn't go to sleep last night." He smiled at Jack and pulled him closer, this was wrong. He should be feeding whatever it was they had. He should pull away and make an excuse. Jack smiled back, a hint of concern on his face that turned into a leer.

"I'll make sure not to keep you up all night, then." He said. Ianto laughed. It wasn't all about sex like people believed but Jack could make it seem like it.

"I'm sure you won't, sir." Ianto said smiling back. He looked at his watch and sighed. "You should get back to your work, Jack. You have a call coming in a few minutes." Jack pulled back making a face at the fact, "No, I'm taking it for you, Jack." He said. Jack sighed.

"Fine," he said as if the ordeal was extremely harrowing. Ianto often wondered how much Jack actually liked working for Torchwood. Despite his bravado there was still a lot of paperwork involved and calls between departments, offices, and securities people in order to make sure Torchwood ran smoothly, if not covertly. Sometimes Ianto found himself doing paperwork that was aimed at Torchwood London, forms that were done but never really looked over. He'd taken care to getting rid of those forms and readjusting them. Jack suddenly pulled him in for another kiss, this one long and breath taking as the last. "That'll give me something to think over until tonight." Jack said smiling.

Ianto gave a very weary sounding sigh and tried to keep the smile off his lips. "Jack," he warned. Jack smiled innocently, well as innocently as possible for him. "Please pay attention, I don't want a follow up call coming in and you not knowing what they're talking about again." It rarely happened but the times it did Ianto pulled the long-suffering administrator card.

So Ianto watched as Jack walked away into his office and looked at the nearly empty Hub from the walkway. It was so quiet. It gave him room to think as he headed toward the tourist office. He needed something normal right now.

Three tourists actually came into the office that day. Two were together and one was lost. When five o'clock rolled by he saw Tosh leave with a cheerful goodbye to him. Owen left a few minutes later and looking around the quiet and damp office, Ianto took his keys into his hand. He looked at the Hub entrance and for the first time in over a month went home for the night.

It was half an hour after he had reached his flat when his phone rang. He looked at it knowing it was Jack.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?"

"Home," He said, stressing the word home.

"When are you getting back?" Jack asked as if he hadn't heard it.

"I'm not." Ianto replied suddenly dreading the upcoming words.

"What do you mean you're not coming back?" Jack sounded worried and something else he couldn't quite place.

"It means I'm staying home for once, Jack. I haven't been here all night in over a month and I don't know what happened to my houseplants." He said trying to remember what had happened to the ghastly decorative plant he had bought to try and cheer up his flat when he'd first moved in.

"You have houseplants?"

"Had, I think." He had looked and couldn't find them anywhere. "I think the Rift may have taken them." That was a real possibility but Ianto doubted it had actually happened. He'd probably tossed it at some point. Poor thing had never stood a chance after Jack had left, too busy. Then too much time with Jack and Torchwood.

"Right," Jack said before swallowing reflexively. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah." Then he hung up.

Ianto stared at his silent flat and sighed. Letting them drift apart would be harder than he thought. He walked toward his living room window. The hard way was quicker and would hurt like hell but maybe it was better. He looked out onto the street. He'd end things tomorrow, after work.


	2. Chapter 2

Leaving Jack was harder than Ianto thought. The way he kept smiling and the small subtle things than convinced him it was more than sex (though the dates tended to help). Ianto had kept his distance and had been cordial, flirted back, and acted as though nothing was wrong. Thankfully the Rift was quiet so everyone left at the end of the day. Usually he stayed, usually he wouldn't be drinking some coffee laced with a shot of whiskey to steel his nerves, usually he went to Jack for dinner, a movie, anything. His cup now long gone, Ianto headed toward Jack's office.

Jack was at his desk, finalizing a report. He smiled when Ianto entered. It quickly vanished and in its place was a look of confusion and concern.

"We need to talk."

"About?" Jack inquired.

"Us, or rather…" He should have added more whiskey.

"What about 'us'?" The way Jack said 'us', his tone denying its existence and mocking it all at the same time did what no shots of whiskey could do to his nerves. Jack always did that, implied they were together in almost in every indirect way but denying it when it came up.

"I'm not doing it anymore." There, simple and succinct. Jack looked at him a moment, silent and face unreadable.

"What?"

"I'm leaving you." Jack leaned forward, half-way out of his seat.

"What brought this up? Ianto, look I know I've been a bit…distracted but-"

"This has nothing to do with you," Ianto snapped then suddenly shook his head. "Actually it has everything to do with you. I realized Jack that I can't do this anymore. I can't be with someone like you." That hurt Jack, it was minute but Ianto saw it. He had spent hours with the man. Could see more than Jack probably liked. Ianto felt horrible about saying it but getting it off of his chest was working through his mind quicker than he could censor them.

"Oh?" That was all Jack said. He was up now, standing tall and unmovable.

"Yes,"

"So you're leaving me because you can't stand what about me?" Jack demanded, his voice quiet and calm, irking Ianto more than it should have.

"You don't age. I know nothing about you, Jack, nothing. You tell me things but you don't tell me what's important."

"So you wanted me to open up more?" Jack sneered. Ianto glared.

"No, Jack." He snapped. Jack looked a bit surprised. "I'm not asking you to change. You don't change," He said simply. "It's that, you never change. I need someone who can change, I need someone normal," He said quietly. Jack glared with such force that Ianto was almost knocked over.

"So it's all my fault?" He snapped. "You can't "_stay" _with me because I'm not normal. We're Torchwood, Ianto, we don't do normal."

Ianto glared. "It's not as if it matters Jack, we shag. You make this into some sort of relationship when all it really is shagging."

"You know damn well it's more than that!"

"I don't care!" Ianto finally yelled. "Damn it, Jack. I don't care. You make this so difficult. Do you have any idea how much you've caused me to change? I'm not gay Jack but I still have sex with you." He growled. "I'm tired of changing. I'm tired of cleaning after you and taking care of your shit only to have you forget about me just like that Jack." He snarled, anger he hadn't realized was there flowing to the surface. "You don't think I haven't seen the way you looked at her? The CCTV footage from after you came back?"

"Leave Gwen out of this," Jack growled.

"See? You focus on her." Ianto took in a calming breath. "This isn't about Gwen though, Jack. I admit I'm jealous of the way you look at her but I had you. I realized I needed more. You can't give me that Jack. You can't give me someone to love," Jack's face blanked. Ianto wasn't idiotic enough to think this meant that Jack loved him. Jack was just behind one of his masks again. "You aren't enough." Jack's fist clenched and Ianto couldn't gauge how angry he was.

"Get out."

"That's it?" Ianto said. This was the end of their relationship? No big revelations, no screaming fest, just this.

"I said get out."

"I'm not leaving, Torchwood, Jack."

"I never said you were, just get the fuck out." Jack was behind his desk again. "I expect you back in the morning. Take your things out of the Hub tomorrow except the standard spare clothing."

Ianto nodded suddenly having hated started this conversation. Jack was cold and Ianto realized several of the things he said were incomplete or distorted by anger. Things he wanted to say were unsaid.

"Yes, sir." He said quietly. Ianto turned around and started walking out. He stopped. "It's not your fault, Jack." He added. "I just want more than you're giving." Jack said nothing. Ianto left. He took the lift up and got into his car, always aware of the CCTV.

When Ianto got to his flat he looked around and didn't realize how empty it was before. He went to his bedroom and went straight to bed. It wasn't late but he needed to lie down. He'd done want he hadn't meant to do: He blamed Jack. Now Jack probably thought he had hated being with him.

He closed his eyes. God, he fucked up his life in the stupidest ways.


	3. Chapter 3

When Ianto entered the Hub the next morning he immediately headed to the coffee machine. He felt like he hadn't slept a wink when he'd been in bed more than ten hours. He made the morning round of coffee, making two cups for himself and set off to delivering them. Since Gwen wasn't there and Owen was dead he felt silly carrying the cups on a tray. Tosh accepted his cup with a smile.

Jack's cup rested in his hands like a solid weigh. Taking a deep breath, Ianto walked to the office, knocking on the door. "Put it on down on the desk." Jack said not bothering to look up from his paper work. Ianto did so, walking out as normal as he could. When he was nearly out the door Jack called him. "Ianto,"

"Yes?" He asked turning around. Jack was holding the cup of coffee out to him.

"Make me another coffee, I don't like this one." Ianto stared at him as if he'd grown another head.

"It's your usual blend, sir."

"I said I don't like it, get me another one, Ianto. Now." Jack said, eyes cold and voice impersonal. He was treating him like a coffee boy, he realized. He refused to act out to it.

"Right away, sir." He turned to leave.

"Ianto," Jack called, voice annoyed. Ianto saw the cup still in his hands.

"Sorry, sir." He said, this time he couldn't keep the annoyance out of his tone. He grabbed the cup and made his way back to the kitchenette. He dumped the mug into the sink and made a new blend. He mixed whatever he felt like it. If Jack didn't want his usual blend then that was fine. He brewed something that would leave an extremely bitter aftertaste. If Jack wanted to be petty he could be to.

Ianto knew he'd hurt Jack. He'd seen it. This though, this was unacceptable. He wasn't just the freaking tea boy anymore. He wouldn't let Jack do that to him, if Jack wanted to demote him he'd quit. He'd earned it, simple as that. He'd earned the right to be in the field. He finished brewing the cup, no sign of his inward struggle visible on his face.

He made his way to Jack's office again. He left the cup on his desk and walked out faster than Jack could call him back after taking a sip of the new coffee. He thought he heard Jack try to spit and felt some satisfaction. Ianto went up to the tourist center; hopefully he'd be able to avoid Jack.

Unfortunately for Ianto he had to see Jack around lunchtime. Jack had ordered food; Ianto dropped it off in the conference room as usual. He was in the tourist office a few minutes, he didn't feel much like eating, trying to decide if he should visit Rhiannon soon to distract him when the phone rang. He picked it up.

"Ianto,"

"Yes, Jack."

"Where's my lunch?"

"In the conference room, sir."

"Ianto," There was extreme aggravation in Jack's voice. "Did I tell you to put it in the conference room?"

Ianto startled. "No,"

"Bring it to my office, now." He hung up. Irritated, Ianto went to the conference room and took up the take out again. He delivered it to Jack's office. Jack glared at him.

"Thank you, Ianto. Next time don't just assume where I want." He snapped. Ianto's fist clenched.

"Stop it."

"What?"

"Jack, stop it. Stop being so petty."

"I'm not being petty." Jack snapped. "You said I don't change but seems I do."

"This isn't change, Jack, this is being an asshole." Jack's eyes darkened.

"I'd be careful what you say to your boss, Ianto."

"If my boss would stop acting like a jilted lover, I'd watch what I was saying, _sir._" He spat out the last word. Jack's jaw clenched in anger then he took in a deep breath.

"You're right, I am acting like an asshole. You know what's worse than that though? Acting like nothings wrong then dumping it all on me like it's my fault," He growled.

"I told you Jack, it wasn't your fault. As stupid as it sounds, it's me not you. I'm not-wasn't asking you to change." He took a deep breath. "I just want a normal life Jack, whatever it is I can get or is Gwen the only one allowed that?" Jack's face blanked and he shook his head.

"No," He said quietly. He looked at Ianto for a moment. "I'm sorry," He said. "Happy?"

"When you mean it," he sighed. "Look, Jack, I know you're more than capable of it, lets just get back to normal." Jack nodded. "I'm sorry for the coffee." He added.

"It tasted nearly as bad as mashed swede." Jack said grimacing. He took in a deep breath. "Have you tasted mashed swede?"

"I don't believe I have, sir." He said.

"You'd remember if you had, trust me on this." Jack said with a slight smile that Ianto couldn't help but return. "Ianto, just because...you don't have to stop calling me Jack if you don't want to."

Ianto nodded, "Noted, sir." He said smiling slightly. Jack smiled and looked at his lunch. He grimaced.

"I actually don't want this,"

"You spent money just to annoy me?"

"That wasn't really my plan but it sort of just happened."

"Impulsive again, Jack?"

"You didn't mind me being impulsive before, if I remember correctly." Ianto felt his face heat up slightly.

"Well that paid off, sir, this is just a waste of money."

"You want it?"

"No, my cholesterol is bad enough as it is with the amount of take out we've been eating recently."

"If Owen were still alive he'd have eaten it as soon as he saw it in the fridge."

"Unfortunately he's dead."

"Weevils?"

"Weevils it is then," Ianto took the food and made his way out of the office. He looked at the contents; he supposed that the weevils ate worse things that a bit of take out, it shouldn't get one or two of them sick. He put it in the refrigerator. Just because they might be weevils didn't mean he'd give them slightly off take-out from exposure when they're next feeding came.

Ianto returned to the tourist office. That had been awkward with Jack, but at least they'd both seen reason. He thought. It was never easy. He sat at the desk and stared at the door for a few moments. For a moment, back in the office, it was as if things had never changed but he needed to stop those. He needed to start seeing Jack as a friend, at worst his boss.

Maybe he'd be visiting Rhiannon sooner than he expected. She and the kids hadn't seen her in a while; it would be nice and normal. It was not Torchwood and, most importantly, it was not Jack.

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A.N.: Anywho, please review and tell me how it goes! I hope it isn't very angsty. I'm trying not to be. There isn't going to be a load of angst in this story, I don't do angst well and too much angst borders on ridiculous in my opinion. I'm not writing a Gothic romance after all! Hope it's going that way at least, the non-Gothic route not the other way!

Also, if you have any complaints or suggestions for the story, please tell me in your review. I may not use them but it does help shape the story other than my outline with feed back.


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